Dear Mr Blackstone,
My name is Alfian Arjuna. I am a year one student from the Singapore Institute of Technology (SIT), pursuing a bachelors degree in civil engineering. Having graduated from the diploma in civil engineering from Singapore Polytechnic, I believe it is the passion I have for the built environment which led me to continue and pursue this field.
I chose to be in this field because I have always been fascinated by the skyscrapers and infrastructure around us. I remember when I was younger, I use to spend hours playing lego, building all sorts of intricate 'buildings and bridges'. I believe this was how i developed the passion for civil engineering.
Furthermore, I find that in Singapore's current economic climate, being in the engineering industry is secure, as there will always be jobs available for us. Especially in civil engineering, there are various industries which I can work in, be it in construction, transport, water, geotechical, environmental, structural and many more.
To share a little bit about myself, I used to be severely overweight, weighing at 104 kilograms. It was when i enlisted into National Service, that I was taught the importance of my health. From then on, I lost even more weight and eventually got to where I am today. The reason why I am sharing this with you is because I strongly believe in the power of determination, in setting what our hearts wants us to do.
My hobbies include cycling, hiking and swimming. These hobbies helps me tremendously in maintaining my weight as I believe it is important to pursue anything that we love.
My communication strengths would be i am able to express my personal opinions through writing, and I am sure that I am able to deliver my point across. I am also open to criticisms as i feel that through criticisms, it is the only way that we can improve.
My weaknesses would definitely be my presentations and expressing my opinions through words. I have always been a shy individual, and because of this, I feel that I have to step out my comfort zone.
At the end of this module, I aim to improve the way I write, know when to use the different tones for different situations, improve my presentation skills, and articulate my words clearly. Just like how I was determined at losing my weight, I strongly believe that with your help and guidance in this module, I would be able to achieve my aims in improving my communicating skills. Thank you.
Best Regards,
Alfian Arjuna
CVE 1281
Group 4
Edited 19/1/2019 22:27
Commented on:
Jordon
Baizurah
Aufal
Dear Alfian,
ReplyDeleteThis is an informative letter, including as it does not just the details spelled out in the assignment but also a heart-felt reflection on how determinaton is a key value for you. I really appreciate your sharing your struggle with your weight and how you have managed that through your strength of will.
You also do a good job of discussing your communication strengths and weaknesses. We will certainly work this trimester on the items you have listed.
In terms of organization and language use, there are a few areas to review:
1. awkward phrasing
-- graduated from the diploma in civil engineering > graduated with a diploma in civil engineering
-- what our hearts wants > (subject verb agreement) ?
-- These hobbies helps me > ?
-- I am able to deliver my point across. > I am able to deliver my point.
-- open to criticisms as i feel that through criticisms > open to criticism as I feel that it is through criticism that we improve
2. paragraphing
In terms of theme, it seems like the first couple (perhaps even three) paragraphs could be combined. At the same time, maybe you could join paragraphs 4 and 5.
These are minor issues that don't detract from your fine effort. I look forward to working with you this term.
Cheers,
Brad
Dear Mr Blackstone,
DeleteThank you for your valuable input. I will take into account of the points that you have highlighted.
Best regards,
Alfian
Hi Alfian,
ReplyDeleteIt was nice getting to know you better through your introduction. I am really impressed by your will to slim down and keep fit. Great job!
Just some opinions from me:
1)"I remember when I was younger, I use to spend hours playing lego"
It should be "I used to spend hours"
2)"I believe this was how i developed the passion for civil engineering."
It should be "I believed this was".
Also, since you are describing yourself, you should use capital 'I' instead of 'i'
3)"It was when i enlisted into National Service, that I was taught the importance of my health."
The sentence structure felt weird for me. I would recommend changing it to:
It was only after I enlisted into National Service that I realized how important my health was to me.
I wish you all the best in achieving your learning outcomes for this module.
Cheers,
Lu Sheng
Hi Lu Sheng,
DeleteThank you for commenting on my blog post. You pointed out some of the things that I have overlooked while writing my post.
Cheers,
Alfian